Hills Like White Teeth
by Edward J. Pahule
The hills, when viewed from the verandah of the tavern, were white and bunched together. A man and a woman sat at a table under the eaves. A woman server came and asked what they would like.
"Two beers," the man said.
Upon her return, she placed two coasters on the table and set the mugs on each.
The woman looked out at the hills for a moment.
"They are like white teeth," she said.
"How would you know?" he said.
"Of course you'd say that."
"I could have said something else."
The woman looked over at the wall that separated the verandah from the rest of the tavern.
"There's a sign on the wall," she said.
"Yes, it's advertising wine coolers."
"Could we try it?"
The man called to the server.
"Yes?"
"We'd like two wine coolers."
"Tastes like soda," the girl said putting her glass down.
"That's the way with things."
"Yes," she said. "Everything tastes like soda. Probably because of my condition."
"Oh, stop that kind of talk."
"You started it," the woman said. "I was enjoying myself. I was having a good time."
"O.K .Let's try and have a good time."
"I was. I said the hills were like white teeth. Wasn't that a good simile?"
"That was a good simile."
"I wanted to try the wine cooler. That's all we do -- make similes and drink alcohol."
"Uh-huh."
The woman looked at the hills a second time.
"They're pretty hills," she said. "They aren't really like white teeth. They're more like brown teeth."
"Yes, that's more appropriate."
"Let's have another beer."
"O.K."
The breeze blew warm across the verandah.
"It's really a simple procedure, Jill," the man said. "It's almost nothing at all."
The woman looked over the verandah into the valley below.
"I know you wouldn't mind it, Jill. It's really nothing. They just take a special tool and scrape around."
The woman didn't say anything.
"I'll go along. I'll be there the whole time. They just scrape around and then it'll be all new again."
"Then what will we do afterwards?"
"We'll be O.K. We'll be just like we were before."
"What makes you think so?"
"Because it's the only thing that separates us. It's the only thing keeping us from being happy."
The woman ran her finger along the edge of the table.
The man ordered two more beers.
"And you think then we'll be O.K. and happy?" she said.
"I'm sure we will. You needn't be afraid. I've known quite a few people who've done it."
"So have I," the woman said. "And they were always smiling after it."
The server brought two more beers.
"You really think I should?" the woman said.
"I think its for the best, but if you don't want to . . . ."
"And if I do then we'll be happy, and you'll love me like you used to?"
"I still love you. You know that."
"I know. But if I do it, then we'll have fun again and you'll think my similes are entertaining?"
"I think they're good now. I just can't think about it when I'm worrying."
"If I do it, you'll stop worrying?"
"Yes."
The woman stood and walked to the railing of the verandah. The earth seemed to fall away from the edge forming a valley that had a small river winding in it.
"O.K." the woman said.
"O.K.?"
The woman returned to the table which was covered with dozens of untouched drinks. The server came with two more beers, pushing them against the other glasses until they balanced precariously on the edge of the table.
"Yes, I'll do it," the woman said.
"You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that."
The woman smiled, her teeth were brown and crusted with plaque. She stepped up to the man to kiss him.
He raised his hand and placed it to her lips.
"Not now," he said. "After you see the dentist."