She wore nothing but a Smile

by J.G. Fabiano

By far the most interesting story was told by an Irish American named Jimmy Teague about an affair on a mini-vacation to the mountains of New Hampshire. His title would be, "Fifteen seconds with the nude stranger." Seeing him tell his story gives the listener the impression that his story is total fiction. But all who were there support his rendition.

After having spent the entire month of July soaking up the sun on the beaches of York, Maine, Dick Dwyer, his wife Jana, and the Teagues decided to take a vacation away from a vacation to Montreal and New Hampshire. The trip to Montreal, even though very interesting, did not produce many fascinating anecdotes. Except maybe about the time on the Canadian border when they were asked if they were carrying any alcoholic beverages. Both Dick and Jimmy answered at exactly the same time. Two opposite answers raised a few eyebrows on the border and many laughs for the rest of the trip.

After leaving Montreal, they decided to drive through Vermont and New Hampshire. The night before their journey home, they stayed in North Conway, New Hampshire, and because it was the middle of the week, they were able to get adjourning rooms. They had also been traveling heavily over the past few days and decided to get some early rest. Jimmy's wife, Jeanne, was the first to fall asleep with Jimmy quietly dosing off while watching the early evening news about somebody's aunt getting her hand stuck in a lobster's claw. This was when the excitement began.

Jimmy was awakened by a quick loud knocking sound on the sliding door which overlooked the now empty swimming pool. At first he thought it was Dick playing one of his many practical jokes. But after he became more coherent he realized that the sound was coming from the sliding glass door and not the other room where the Dwyer's were sleeping. He jumped out of his chair quietly and carefully because he was just wearing a towel and he didn't want to wake his sleeping wife. He pushed aside the closed drapes and became totally shocked. On the other side of the door was a completely nude and dripping wet young woman jumping up and down and pleading to be let in.

Shaking off his shock all he could think about, at least that is what he says, was that this troubled young lady must be in some sort of danger. So he opened the door and let her in. To his further shock, the mysterious nude jumped and wrapped her legs around his waist and proceeded to kiss him on the neck. The only sound that came from Jim was the loudest whisper he could muster stating, "My wife, my wife, over there in the bed."

When she finally heard what he was uttering she jumped off and ran to the door leading into the hall. As she was leaving she looked back to apologize and whispered that she owed him a breakfast. At this point Jeanne awoke to find her husband dripping wet in the middle of the room. His loosely fitted towel had fallen to the floor and his expression was one of shock and confusion.

Having seen her husband in stranger situations, Jeanne simply asked if there was a problem. A few seconds passed with Jim now staring at the closed door. He then proceeded to tell his tale. Half-way through his story, Jeanne told her husband to grow up and and get some sleep. She went on to inform him that if he was that bored and had to invent ludicrous stories to make their vacation appear exciting then maybe he should get some therapy for his maturity problems.

The next morning he decided to go down to the front desk and check out of the motel. He asked the desk clerk if it was a quiet night. The clerk smiled and told him that it would have been if it hadn't been for the nude wanderer. Subconsciously, this is exactly what Jimmy wanted to hear. He ran up to his room, grabbed his wife, who by this time firmly believed that her husband was a classic patient for prozac, and led her to the front desk. They arrived with Jeanne now being totally filled in about the veracity of her husband's story.

Observing Jim's smug smile, after having his story proven by the desk clerk, Jeanne simply turned to her husband and called him a b------. She left him at the desk and went back to her room. Knowing now that he was deeper than ever in the doghouse he slowly walked to the restaurant to get some breakfast.

He consumed a rather large meal because of the goings on of the night before. When he asked the waitress for the check, he was told that it was being taken care of. Looking over the waitress's shoulder, he saw the nude stranger, now fully dressed, ever so shyly smiling.

The only sad part of this tale is when Jim told Dick what had happened. Dick became depressed because it didn't happen to him. Also, Jimmy realized that for the rest of his vacationing life when he is asked to close the curtains of the always present motel glass doors, it may take him a little more time because it will sure to bring back the memory of a summer past.

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Last Updated: August 28, 1996