Opting to be a Nobody

by J.G. Fabiano

The most famous nobody is, of course, the non-working American mother. The 1960's clearly labeled this class of woman as one who obviously did not have any opinion of herself and instead sold her soul for the security of doing the menial task of taking care of the family. The ERA movement of the early 1970's and the YUPPIE generation of the early 1980's both supported and sustained this idea. The DINKS, double income no kids, of today go one step further to announce that motherhood should be sold for a better and more affluent life. Of course, this concept meant the end of the family and the beginning of the demise of our culture. At least that is what the politicians say. But that is another discussion.

Looking closely at this nobody throughout the history of American life we can easily see how this life style evolved. A woman was destined to be a wife and a mother. She was only to be seen behind a man to make his life comfortable and to give into all his whims and needs. She could only be described as being a product of the man she was destined to take care of. She even lost her name, thereby becoming a nobody.

World War II first allowed women to experience a feeling of being by working in the factories while the men fought the war. But after the war was won and the men came home, the women were demoted, or should I say returned, to their position of a nobody.

The women's movement of the 60's and 70's brought women out of their nobody status by demanding equal opportunities and equal pay for equal work. The economic situation of the times helped to provide the necessity for this because one income per family became as obsolete as the all men's club. This situation was created by those same politicians who now yearn for the return of family values. Again, I will leave that subject for another time.

But like all changes from what was to what is, there are side effects to this change in the status of women. Today's family does not seem to have the strength to survive the strains of children growing up and it gathers stress in trying to keep the family alive. The teenage suicide rate and the divorce rate in this country clearly shows that the nobody reputation of the non working mother was not only false, but also foolish. In fact, many of the successful working women somebody's yearn to return to the nobody status of motherhood because they now realize that they can acquire their greatest satisfaction and feeling of success by taking care of their family. Non- working mothers went from jokes and sneers to people who are both admired and looked upon with jealousy.

I saw a nobody on the beach the other morning. Or at least I thought he was a nobody. He was obviously enjoying being left alone with his music. He was playing his trumpet to the waves of the ocean. The reason no one noticed him was because it was a very foggy morning. The sound of his trumpet was not only overrun by the thundering sound of the waves, but the fog also had the capacity to echo out the music this nobody was making. I listened for what must have been only a few minutes because I did not want to break his mood. This nobody played the most mellow and clear tones I have ever heard. And because he was a nobody his only audience were the sea gulls and a hidden me. On a different stage or a clearer day this nobody is probably somebody just yearning to be left alone.

A very famous somebody who was a nobody had been in the news. He became the focal point of the quick to become forgotten Iran/Contra affair. His name is Oliver North. Just a short time ago he was only recognized by people who worked directly with him. But now because of the news media he is both scorned and cheered because of his actions in this situation. His wife was told to sit directly behind her husband to show her support for him. Both of them became instant somebody's. Yet listening to the many news reports concerning their family it is obvious that both of them are yearning to once again experience what life was like being nobodies. I wonder if Colin Powell will experience similar feelings in his future.

Somebody's always have a lot of friends and live in the finest of houses and places. They're always in the limelight with their actions being perpetually directed by that always present news media. Nobodies have their own small circle of friends and are, of course, important to their family.

But universally the nobodies always seem to strive and dream to become future somebody's. And nobodies after becoming somebody's also seem to strive to become nobodies again. Probably because the dream is simply a dream and just being a nobody is where the reality is.

I was a local somebody once. I owned a large lounge and restaurant and was perpetually surrounded by friends and would-be friends. But as soon as I sold the business and became someone who lost his capacity to be a somebody, I lost all of my somebody friends and was left with my now fellow nobody true friends. You see somebody's should always question whether their friends are friends because they are somebody or because they simply are. Nobodies do not have this problem.

That is the real beauty of being a nobody. Your friends are true friends because they like you and just don't like what you can offer. Webster should change his definition of a nobody. A nobody is not a no person. He or she is simply him or herself. Their importance is not gauged by what he or she can do or produce but simply equated to what he or she is. Yes, I like being a nobody.

Comments writers@mcint.com
Last Updated: August 28, 1996