Not knowing how to plan such an excursion I contacted a local travel agency to handle all the arrangements. In town their was an agency named, "Travel Agents International", and because of their name, I assumed that they could professionally handle all the details of our trip. I found out soon enough that assumed was the perfect word.
I told the travel agent that I was looking for an escape to someplace in the Caribbean that was always sunny and warm. She immediately advised that a Caribbean cruise would be the perfect answer. I hesitated at first because my wife is very susceptible to motion sickness. The agent gave me a sympathetic smile and assured me that the ships of today were made so the passengers felt little if no motion. She went on to explain that a cruise was the best means of seeing not just one island in the gorgeous Caribbean but as many islands as time would allow. She then continued by showing me one particular cruise which would take us to the islands of Barbados, Martinique, St. Kitts, St. Thomas, Puerto Rico, Dominica, and then back to Barbados. Visions of those commercials glowed in my families minds as she described how we could be transported to these ,"Gardens of Eden", in both luxury and style.
The name of the ship we would go on was, "The Azur", which was one of a fleet of cruise ships all registered under the Panamanian flag. The vacation was called the, "Chandris Fantasy Cruise", which was supposed to make the love boat look like a ferry ride to Revere.
After her presentation I cried, "Yes, Yes, book us immediately so that we could become a part of the world of the beautiful people of the Caribbean." In just 86 days my family and I would be on a winter cruise into paradise. Like children counting down the days before Santa's arrival, we anxiously waited for the time of our departure to arrive.
The day of our adventure was preceded by weeks of intense shopping. Because the travel brochure spoke of formal dining and relaxed lounging by the pool, my wife decided to buy the best in formal and relaxing wear for the entire family. But I didn't care because I knew our time had come to join the beautiful people in the most beautiful of lands.
The morning finally arrived. At first I thought it would be impossible to fit all our luggage into the trunk of my car. But after careful crushing we were on our way to our dream vacation in the Caribbean. The trip was carefree with our arrival at Boston's Logan Airport. We had ample time to check in our bags and get our seating arrangements which included a window seat for my daughter.
The plane ride consisted of a small stop at Washington which we left the plane to stretch our legs. A few hours later we landed at Miami. Again we stretched our legs, grabbed something to eat, and did what we had to do. We arrived at Barbados at approximately 10:00 PM and preceded to go through customs which to our surprise took over an hour and a half. But who cared. This was utopia. We then took a bus to our home for the next seven glorious days; The m.x. Azur.
Upon arrival at the ship we were herded into the cinema where we were assigned a seating for our meals. The dinner sitting was either early or late. We had requested and received the later sitting in the non-smoking area. The vacation up to this point had been unblemished, an ultimate compliment to our travel agent.
We were then escorted to our cabin which had been on the Information Deck of the ship. Opening the door introduced the first of many shocks to come. How were we going to put away seven days of formal wear in an area not much larger than our linen closet at home? My wife being a graduate of finding space where none existed spent the next few hours arranging our clothes so that their would be space left for us to sleep and possibly walk through.
We were then told to go to the main dining room where they were serving a midnight buffet. Upon arrival I was shocked to see so much food. They had everything from smoked herring to pizza pie. We walked through a scene which seemed to be taken from a Fellini film. Finally after stuffing ourselves we bid our adieu and settled down for our first night in the Port of Barbados.
We awoke at dawn even though we could not tell if it was light or dark because our cabin had no porthole. The three of us awoke in excited expectation of our first full day on Barbados. We all asked the same question at the same time. Where was the bathroom?
To our left we knew that the closet existed for there was where all of our now wrinkled formal belongings were. My daughter was the first to find the half sized door to the far left of the room which led to a bathroom that no ordinary munchkin could fit. To the left of the bathroom was the shower in which being a man of more than ordinary weight , I had a difficult time fitting both my legs in at the same time. But could this slight inconvenience ruin our time in paradise; Never.
Breakfast consisted of meeting the six other people assigned to our table. Four were from Montreal. A father and son sat to our right. He was the fire chief of Montreal who had a true and open personality. His son mirrored his father but was more subdued because of his younger years. The other couple was young and trying for the second time to find happiness with each other. The final position at our table was filled by a giant of a man from Alabama. It seem as though his girl friend could not join him because she became ill. I still wonder whether or not this girl friend really existed. All of our meals were served by a young man of only twenty-one years from Honduras. He was assisted by a busboy from Columbia. This duo created the most enjoyable part of our vacation into utopia.
After breakfast we returned to our closet. We then prepared for our first of many excursions into the islands. We left the ship and proceeded to the exit on the docks and in the midst of the cabby-men. Immediately I was approached by as many as six cab drivers promising the best of all tours through the jewel of the Caribbean. Since we only wanted to go into the town of Bridgeton and do a little shopping, five of the six drivers deserted us for more prosperous customers. One had agree to take us into the town for the price of only five American Dollars.
Bridgeton could easily be compared to any large American City with its large department stores and massive office buildings. In fact, it looked so much like what we were used to we were a bit disappointed. We went into many of the department stores to find that most of the merchandise could be found in any Jordan Marsh or Sears . The smaller department stores were no different with maybe the exception that their merchandise was of the K-Mart variety.
After roaming around in circles for the next hour or so I decided to explore some of the small side streets that were off shoots of the main drag. At first my wife complained stating that she was uncomfortable going away from the crowds of people. But she finally gave in and down the side streets we wandered. Here was where we found the true Barbados. The streets were lined with garbage and the shops were thinly filled with every type of plastic available. The people looked dirty and they glared at us with a type of disdain that made us want to explain that we were sorry that we were not as poor as them. After only minutes of shame we decided to go back to the main thoroughfare in which life was what we expected and wanted.
Needless to say, we got lost. After a very short while we decided to find a cab and go back to the ship. This was easier said than done. Every taxi we saw demanded that either we take a full tour or pay them a minimal amount of 50 American Dollars to get back to the ship. At first, I told them to get lost and that I didn't appreciate being taken. But finally I had to give in because it was getting late and we all were getting tired. Barbados had not left a positive impression.
We arrived back at the ship in time to squeeze ourselves into our cabin. We had to shower and get dressed for dinner one at a time. My daughter got ready first with my wife and I waiting outside the cabin or I should say closet. After my daughter was finished I readied myself for dinner with my daughter and wife waiting for me outside the cabin . Finally my wife readied herself . I went upstairs to observe Barbados from the deck of the ship. My daughter soon joined me. Our view was one of garbage and rusting debris which symbolized most of the ports of the world. On deck we were attacked by many waiters asking if they could get us anything our minds thought we wanted. They were all courteous and I must repeat that this part of the trip was by far the most enjoyable.
After about an hour of relaxing on deck with a coke for my daughter and a couple of scotches for me we went down to the cabin to find my wife about ready for the evening meal. The cabin was completely flooded by the earlier three showers. We then went to dinner which would make a Roman orgy look like a Baptist prayer meeting. There was so much food and so much waste. I observed that some people on the next table had ordered three and four entries so that they could choose the one that tasted the best. This sin reminded me of the back streets of Bridgeton and the glares of the poor who lived there. Now I felt like I deserved those stares.
Dinner was enjoyable because of the combination of different life styles at our assigned table seemed to produce the correct chemistry for an enjoyable experience. The father and son from Montreal explained that they had their entire week planned with sport tours. The young unmarried couple from Montreal had their week planned with an exploration of the Caribbean beaches. Alabama said very little except for every now and then looking up and smiling between mouthfuls of food. As for myself, I decided to carefully plan our next island so that a repetition of our first day would not be repeated.
After dinner we went up to the main deck and waited for the ship to leave port. My wife had feared this because, as I explained earlier, she was susceptible to motion sickness. She was wearing a Dramamine patch and I reminded her that our travel agent said that the ship would show very little movement. She finally relaxed and waited for the ship to leave. That would be our last relaxed moment for the next seven days. It would have been easier to have booked a trip on a carnival ride.
Bouncing off the walls of the ship going down to our cabin all three of us could not believe that a ship could rock so and still keep itself afloat. My wife immediately went down to see the ship's doctor and was given a stronger pill for the trip. My daughter proceeded down to the cabin where she rolled herself into the fetal position to ride out our first night at sea. As for myself, I was destined to attempt some rest on the top bunk of the closet we had to call home. In order to get up I had to climb a ladder that was made for a six year old. After we got home my wife and daughter exclaimed that watching me go up that ladder was the highlight of their trip. In my underwear my daughter likened me to a sumo wrestler climbing a tree.
The next morning came none to soon with the desk clerk giving us a wake-up call around 9:00 am. I was the first to get ready for our next excursion into the Island of Martinique. This time I was determined to not repeat the disaster of the day before. I went to the excursion desk and carefully planned the day. I booked a trip to the best of the beaches on Martinique. At least that is what I was told. I organized a system of transportation up and back and even planned a snorkeling expedition into the corals of the island. Lunch, towels, and beach chairs were all assured to be waiting for us at this finest of beaches. All this for a measly one hundred and fifty American Dollars. But after all, this was our dream vacation and everything from now on had to be perfect.
I went back to our closet and explained what I had planned for the day. Because their was little sleep accomplished by any of us the night before the possibility of a restful day on a beautiful Caribbean beach was welcomed.
The trip over to the beach took us through the main roads of New Paris. The streets were mainly deserted because of some sort of a local religious holiday. I think it was called Christmas. The desolation only amplified the obvious decrepitude of the surroundings. The islands were beautiful but the buildings were becoming slums because of little funds or little concern.
We arrived at the beach and were ecstatic about what we observed. The resort and the beach were exactly what was earlier described. It was beautiful and must be the model for the many travel posters we day dreamt about at home. At the entrance before the beach we were given our snorkeling gear and were led to the white sands of a beautiful beach of Martinique. I was so interested in the instruction on how to use the snorkeling equipment I never noticed the surroundings around the beach itself. But my wife and daughter did because they stopped right before they entered the sandy beach. After noticing that they were not beside me I back tracked to find out why they stopped following me. Observing the shocked looks on their faces I asked what the trouble was. My wife gave me a blank look and my daughter finally asked if she had to take off her bathing suit too? What?, I asked and then finally focused on the other people inhabiting the beach. I finally came to the realization that I was in the process of taking my family to a nude beach. Not a topless beach, a nude beach. We were on the bus and traveling back to the ship within the next half an hour.
We spent the rest of the day on the deck of the ship afraid to go anywhere in fear of another misadventure. The people on the ship treated us with care for somehow they must have known?
That night the ship embarked to the next island and like the night before the carnival ride proceeded. Dinner was impossible to enjoy because my wife and daughter had to rush back to our closet and roll themselves up in a tight ball. Because I could not stand another night on the top bunk I decided to go to the casino and kill some time and alas lose some money.
Next to me at the black-jack table was a man from Switzerland who had a similar look of dismay on his face. I asked him if he was alone? He explained that his wife and son were in their cabin sea sick for the second day in a row and that he couldn't stand another night of watching his family suffer. Together we enjoyed a bottle of scotch while losing too much of our money.
St. Kitts was our next island of adventure. Because I knew that the island was very small I waited until the ship docked and asked the local policeman where we should go. He basically told me nothing but did get us a cab and guaranteed the fare. Driving into town, which was totally depressing because of the massive poverty, we came upon a festival coming down the road in the opposite direction. It took up the entire road and we were forced to stop and watch as it passed. Did I say festival? The closer it came the more riot like it appeared. The participants all chanted in unison, "no money, no future, no pain". Seeing us rich folks in the cab they immediately started to jump on the cab's bumpers which made us feel like we were back on ship. My daughter sat in the middle of the back seat because all the people around her were reaching to touch her. My wife took a picture of one of the natives who immediately asked her to give him the camera. I found out later that it is thought that the taking of ones picture takes away a piece of their souls. I never liked that camera.
The night was like the previous nights with the next morning not coming too soon. While my wife and daughter were getting ready for our new adventure I went up to the excursion deck and planned our time in St. Thomas. I figured we could do a little shopping and then visit what was supposed to be a beautiful beach, Megan' s Bay, where everyone wore bathing suits. I paid 100 American Dollars, which wasn't bad considering we were back in a United States territory, and off to the bay we went. We became part of a tour bus which consisted of observing a beautiful area of St. Thomas and an excursion to Bluebeard's Castle. The tour was enjoyable and I believed that our poor luck was changing. Until the bus broke down on the side of a hill and we had to wait two and a half hours for another bus to pick us up. Did I say the side of a hill? I meant the side of a cliff. Off to the ship we fled.
That night showed no change. My wife and daughter were deathly sick as were most of the other passengers on the ship. I found out later that the Azur was a very old round bottom ship with no stabilizers that had been retired from the Mediterranean. Other passengers tried to explain that other cruise lines were much better. Yet looking into my family's eyes I knew that I would never be able to suggest a cruise again.
The next morning we landed on Puerto Rico and immediately left the ship and shopped our hearts away in Old San Juan. The shops were numerous and quaint. We spent over five hours on this island and enjoyed ourselves in our exploration. The first good time we had all week cost us zero American Dollars to get to.
At the end of the afternoon my wife and daughter pleaded with me to try and find some transportation home from San Juan instead of continuing their torture on ship. They begged me not to force them back to the closet and a continuation of feeling sick. After many calls to the airport I disappointed them by explaining our sentence must continue.
When we arrived back at the ship my family immediately retired to the closet and tried to go to sleep before the ship went out to sea. Not being able to stand the dark torture of the closet I decided to go back to the casino to try my luck and have more scotch.
The night's ride was rougher than normal. As I was holding on to the side of the black-jack table the dealer in front of me was questioned why this ship was so rough. Answering, he simply exclaimed that this was no ship. This was the Azur. He then immediately asked another dealer to take his place, held his hand over his mouth, and ran out of the room never to be seen again for the rest of the night.
Morning came and we arrived at the Island of Dominica whose government, I was told, was trying to increase it's tourist trade. We left the Azur, after the previous night I could no longer call it a ship, and went to the capitol of the island and observed the dingiest and foulest smelling area of all. After only half an hour we fled back to the Azur, again. We spent the next eight hours on the deck soaking up the sun and enjoying the waiters and pool.
Looking over the side of the Azur I noticed native boys begging some passengers to throw down money or food so that they could dive to retrieve it. Feeling sorrow and depression for these down trodden people I ordered a scotch from a waiter who was also disturbed by what was happening. After a while the natives swam back to shore, turned toward the Azur, and waved so we could see. Noticing that they were grateful for what they were given, I felt more remorse and ordered another scotch for both me and the waiter, of which he quickly accepted. After a few minutes on the dock I noticed that they lined up with their backs to the Azur and showed all of us generous civilized citizens of the industrialized world their asses. I turned toward the waiter and asked him to make mine a double. The week continued.
The ship left Dominica early in the afternoon so we stayed on deck to enjoy the sun and hopefully not get sick. The sun was glorious and because the Azur was moving it sprayed us ever so gently while we were lying in the sun. If it wasn't for the sickening smell of diesel fuel this might have been an enjoyable part of our trip.
After a night of sleepless agony we arrived back at Barbados to be excitedly transported away from the docks to the airport. Twenty hours later we arrived home on one of the coldest days of the year. My wife and daughter immediately ran for their beds not to awaken until late the next afternoon. I, on the other hand, just looked outside and observed the bleak browns of a New England Landscape. I even opened the door and inhaled the sub-zero air which had no sign of anything but freshness. We were home now and our Caribbean calamity had come to an end.